This One Strategy Will Help You Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Updated: Jul 23, 2018
You know the feeling. You see a woman walk into a room and you can’t help but notice her. Maybe she has the exact body shape that you’ve always wanted - lean and toned, yet very feminine. Maybe she’s got amazing breasts that even Katy Perry would envy. Or maybe she’s just the type of person who lights up a room with her energy.
The point is, she has something you want, and probably believe you can’t have. So instead of admiring her amazing assets, you find yourself shrinking inward, making yourself a little smaller to avoid being compared or feeling ‘less than’. And you may even feel a pang of shame or jealousy that you can't have the things that seem to come so easily to her.
I totally get it. We’ve all been there. If you're anything like me, many times. But I’d like to share a simple strategy with you that has the power to totally change your outlook with other women, especially when faced with people who seem so far beyond your own mortal existence. It’s amazingly simple yet counter-intuitive. The next time a woman really catches your attention in a positive way, try this:
Even if you have to stop her in her tracks. I promise you, she won’t mind. Stop her and give her a completely sincere compliment. Tell her how beautiful she looks in that dress, or how great a job she did handling her toddler’s meltdown, or that she has gorgeous eyes, or how amazing her work presentation was. It doesn’t matter how seemingly small the matter. If she really caught your attention, take the time to let her know.
And you know the best part about this? You will feel great after the interaction. I would even venture to guess that you’ll feel a little euphoric as you walk away.
Here’s why. Giving a genuine, heartfelt compliment to another woman is a way of conveying that you want the best for her. And there is something miraculous about wanting the best for someone else. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I want you to want the best for yourself too. But you can do both. So often we assume that another’s gain must come at our own expense, which is untrue, especially as it relates to the exchange of loving energy.
When you feel genuine happiness for someone else’s joy, you are giving her your love. You’re finding pleasure in her pleasure. And it takes nothing from you because love is an infinite energy source.
I like demonstrating this fact with an old metaphor that compares love to a flame. If you and I were standing side by side, you could use the flame of your candle to light my candle without dimming your own flame at all. Actually, you could light an infinite number of candles without ever depleting your own flame. And the same is true of your love. Your capacity for love is infinite. In fact, your own loving flame will grow stronger the more you use it to boost the flame of others.
So, you may be wondering how this strategy will help you stop comparing yourself to others. Well, there is of course the obvious fact that you’ll be growing your own loving flame. But let’s expand on that a little. Showing love and caring for other women will help you to feel better about yourself in many ways, like the following:
1. You’ll get a contact high:
You will literally experience a contagion effect from her joy! I mean, think about it. How great do you feel when someone gives you a genuine, unsolicited compliment? You feel pretty amazing, right?
Believe it or not, many of the most accomplished or beautiful women in the world don’t get complimented as readily as you’d think. That may be due, in part, to the fact that others assume that they hear it all the time and think it’s unnecessary to share, but it’s also because others may find them so intimidating that they withhold compliments for fear of rejection. Either way, we all deserve to hear how awesome we are, no matter how obvious it seems to others.
2. You could learn from her:
Maybe your co-worker with the great speaking skills will end up mentoring you. Perhaps the mother at the grocery store will become a life-long friend. You never know what kinds of learning and relationships you will gain when you care for another person.
3. You’ll feel so powerful:
Witnessing your own ability to positively impact someone else’s day will make you feel so powerful! Your words are powerful, and you can decide whether to use them for the betterment or detriment of others.
4. You’ll be a cultural change-maker:
When you support a woman’s greatness, you encourage her to do the same to others, and so on and so forth. You will be a part of a greater cultural shift in which women return to a state of sisterhood and care for each other.
So much of our self-consciousness as women actually comes from our fear of judgement from other women, not men. We’re afraid to let our radiance fully shine because we know what it’s like to fall victim to the cruel insecurity of another woman. Well, no more!
This shift is incredibly powerful because it creates a space where you don’t have to dim your own light in an effort to protect the feelings of others. You can let your light shine with complete abandon, and you can encourage every other woman around you to do the same. In the long run, this will allow us to trust each other again.
5. You’ll free yourself to relish in your OWN amazing assets:
It’s true, you may never be able to have certain qualities that you find so attractive in others. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have very attractive qualities of your own. In fact, I’m confident that you have many.
By giving other women permission to flaunt and enjoy their best qualities, you are giving yourself the same permission. You may not even notice this freedom at first, but you’ll get more comfortable with it as you see the pleasure and confidence that you bestow on these other women, who are an extension of you.
6. You’ll harness the power of the Law of Attraction:
If you’re not familiar with the Law of Attraction, here’s a down and dirty synopsis. The Law of Attraction basically states that “you get what you give”. But not in the traditional way that you’ve been acculturated to think. Working extra hours at the office is not the type of ‘giving’ that this requires.
Instead, it explains that we are all energetic beings in an energetic world, and we are always attracting the same energetic vibrations that we put out. This means that we even attract people with similar energetic vibrations: anger begets anger, inspiration begets inspiration, and so on.
Another amazing principle explained by the Law of Attraction is that we all have the capacity to have anything that we want. The problem is that most of us actually push these desires away energetically by focusing on our state of lack instead of getting excited about what we can have.
Think of it this way. Who do you think is more likely to find herself driving a brand new car? The woman who complains daily about how terrible her current vehicle is and how she wishes she could afford something better, or the woman who keeps researching her dream car on the internet and tells everyone how she’ll be driving it in the near future? I can imagine you know where this is going.
Now imagine how this principle applies to our relationships with other women. When you get excited about another woman’s success, you are inviting similar vibrations from others. And this is a powerful system. Just as you can attract one problem after another out of frustration and anger, you can also attract one amazing opportunity after another through your joyful interactions with the world around you.
If all of these reasons aren’t enough to convince you of the power of supporting other women, then I will simply summon the golden rule. We all want others to be happy for our successes. So, let’s treat each other the way that we want to be treated, and remember that we’re all in this together. You’ll be so happy (and supported) because you did.