Our anger will save the world

I want to discuss something very serious with you today. This weekend I participated in a Women's rally for International Women's Day and it really brought to mind my own battle with anger. Which also brought to mind the struggles that I hear every woman in my life has with anger. 

So, let's talk about women's anger.

I would argue that the most effective propaganda strategy ever used to build and maintain the patriarchy was the rebranding of women's anger as hysterical while men's anger continues to be seen as righteous.

Think about it, men who get aggressive in the name of protecting themselves or their families are called heroes. Their anger is justified and their actions applauded.

Inversely, women who become aggressive to protect anything or anyone are called bitches and disowned by society.

Even the term "mama bear" leaves a slightly unsavory taste in the mouth, implying that the woman is a helicopter mom who coddles and enables her children out of her own neurotic need for validation through them.

To make matters worse, women have been subjugated to such an extent that they don't feel that they can risk alienating men. Patriarchy has created a system in which women literally need men if they want more than basic survival (at least until very recently).

And so, she swallows down her righteous anger, contorts her mouth into a compliant smile, and tries to trick her mind into believing she has agency by over-functioning for her family.

But here's the truth: anger is a basic instinct found within all animals. It exists to give us the activation energy needed to protect ourselves in the face of danger or boundary violations. If we didn't have such a powerful rush of energy, we wouldn't have the strength or courage to fight back, thereby greatly reducing our chances of survival.

This makes anger the most powerful resource that a victim has to escape danger or persecution.

But that also makes it the most important thing for an oppressor to dismantle.

And they've made short work of that task, haven’t they?

Every woman knows the shame of being labeled bossy, bitchy, aggressive, catty, dramatic, overly emotional, or hysterical. It's burned into our most primitive brains because it's led to such profound rejection.

So, how do we as women access our protective instincts in a world that disowns us for using them?

1. We start by turning to each other for validation and safe spaces to feel and express our anger. This means we must heal the shadow around our own anger, otherwise we'll be repulsed by the anger of other women. Remember, we're also victims of internalized misogyny.

   
   

2. Furthermore, we must surround ourselves with men who can hold space for our anger. Strong, centered, healthy men can tolerate healthy anger. Every human has anger and every human has a right to express it. We need to stop catering to frail male egos that can’t tolerate it, moving away from those relationships in favor of men who care about us as whole humans.

3. Which leads to our next task. We need to learn how to use our anger for its designed purpose: protection and change.

   
   

There's a difference between healthy anger and resentment. Healthy anger allows us to act assertively to protect ourselves and hold boundaries against further violations. It's a swift and decisive reaction.

Resentment, on the other hand, occurs when we mute our reactions and fail to hold our boundaries, leading to feelings of helplessness and distrust in ourselves. In the end, resentment leads to contempt and venom - both of which further the narrative that women are bitchy nags. 

Healthy anger: "No, I won't be treated that way"

Venom: "You're a piece of shit, get away from me!"

Will we still be vilified for the healthy anger? Yes, but this will come from people who are still indoctrinated by the patriarchy. Remember not to be offended by feedback from people who don’t live the life that you want.

4. So, another important step in healing is learning how to be disliked. This is one of the hardest things women have to master. Our safety - both social and physical - has always been contingent upon being liked. This indoctrination is all-encompassing.

   
   

But I have really empowering news for you...you can tolerate being disliked. And your life will actually improve when you start repelling the wrong people, and start attracting the right people through your authenticity.

So, I invite you to join me on my journey of tapping into my own righteous anger. This is a scary path to be on, but I've come to believe that it's necessary and important work. 

Let’s pave the way for a more just and equitable world by tapping into our collective anger and creating change. 

We are women, we are creators, and our anger will save the world!