Start selling yourself (the right way) on the apps
Have you noticed how much online dating has changed the process of finding a partner?
It’s like a whole other world!
Frankly, it’s made the traditional world of dating into a desert, if you ask me.
Gone are the days when you might be asked for your number at the coffee shop. People just don’t do it that much anymore.
In fact, a longitudinal study called How Couples Meet and Stay Together (HCMST, 2017), led by researcher Michael J. Rosenfeld, demonstrates a profound shift in dating patterns. According to the data, we’ve gone from being introduced through friends or family to meeting primarily online.
People just aren’t meeting in the traditional ways anymore, and we can either fight this and stay frustrated, or we can learn how to master this new skill and find love.
This highlights to me the importance of learning how to participate in this new online landscape.
Because the truth is, the potential for a loving relationship still exists, but the way to get there is maybe a bit different.
So let’s learn how to master the world of online dating!
Which brings us back to the top 5 mistakes we’re all making in online dating:
You’re selling yourself the wrong way
You’re not clear about what you want
You’re picking people based on your trauma instead of your long-term goals
You’re responding incorrectly to red (and green) flags
You’re moving too quickly to sex
As promised, I want to discuss the solutions to each of these issues.
For now, let’s start with the first mistake: you’re selling yourself the wrong way.
This can take several different forms…
PROBLEM #1: You’re leading with your sexuality
Posting sexy photos
Using sexual innuendo in written parts of your profile or while messaging
PROBLEM #2: You’re selling a perfect version of yourself
Using only perfect pictures of yourself with perfect expressions
Hiding parts of your body or personality that you dislike
PROBLEM #3: You’re not sharing the things that make you weird (like, at all)
Giving generic answers to written sections
Avoiding pictures that may show your personal interests
Let me just say, in cases like this, finding the problem is the hardest part. Now that we know what may be blocking us, the solutions become crystal clear:
SOLUTION #1: Avoid any mention of sex in your profile or in the messaging phase - visual or written. No sexy photos or banter. I'm serious! This may sound crazy since men are so sexually driven but I’m confident that the man who’s really going to rock your world someday isn’t the one who’s going to be drawn in by your sexual innuendo. But the guys who do like that stuff are going to respond to your sexual content (because they’re really only there for the sex to begin with), and it will eventually fizzle out.
SOLUTION #2: Show real photos of yourself and always include one or two body shots and/or action shots. Even if you hate things about your body, your job is to be honest and authentic about who you are. Your person is actually going to love your body, even if you’re not there yet.
SOLUTION #3: Let your freak flag fly! Share the things that you love, even if they make you seem a little weird. I always got the coolest responses to my profile comment about how I like to belt out my favorite songs while playing them on the piano. I even poked fun at myself in the comment but I owned this awkward, yet fun, thing that makes me me.
So give it a try this week. Take 15 minutes and go update your profile to make it more authentic to you.
You don’t want to attract everybody…you only want to attract one person: your person.
And your person is going to be the most attracted to the real, quirky you (not the glossed-over version).
Want more tips like this? Stayed tuned for my full 30-day online dating challenge.
In the meantime, keep your heart open and find ways to be your fullest authentic self because that’s who your person is looking for!!!
Comments