You can't get what you don't ask for

Hello Gorgeous!

Have you noticed how much social media content focuses on problematic male behaviors in long-term relationships (i.e. emotional unavailability, or not sharing the mental load, childcare, or general domestic duties, etc.)?

These concerns are totally valid!

In fact, I bet you've had to leave a relationship or two (or you're thinking about leaving) because of these issues.

I know I have!

BUT...

I worry that sometimes we get so fixated on the problem that we forget to seek the solution.

Please don't read me incorrectly here, I believe these platforms are healthy and necessary to normalize our shared experience and justified anger. I want these influencers to keep doing their very important work.

But anger is only one phase of healing, and I don't want you to get stuck there.

I especially don't want you to get stuck believing that all men are like that, and forget to start looking for men who are not.

And this leads into Mistake #2 that we've been talking about: You aren't clear about what you want.

The irony is, you're probably crystal clear about what you don't want, right?

But we don't manifest from a place of repulsion, we manifest from a place of attraction and magnetism.

What you pay attention to grows

Beyond this, you also need to decide what you DO want in a partner so that you can ask for it, AND so that you can recognize it when it sits in front of you!

To be honest, I'm not 100% certain that I would have been as open to my partner on our first few dates had I not been aware of the top qualities I wanted in a partner.

So, here's the simple solution to this mistake that we're all making in online dating:

Make a list of the qualities you know you require in a healthy long-term partner

You'll notice that I didn't say "want", I said "require".

That's because this isn't a wish list, it's a needs list.

Which also means we're not putting trivial, egoic items on this list, we're adding qualities we want in a person.

For example:

• Handles conflict with maturity and kindness

• Has a growth mindset

• Family-oriented

• Health-conscious

• Financially mature

• Knows how to express anger fairly

• Generous and capable lover

• Curious about me

• Chooses me

Notice that these are all qualities, not numbers or goals.

Many women are inclined to say that they need their partner to be at least 6 feet tall.

I'm afraid that truly misses the point.

I want you to examine what it is you think you'll FEEL if your partner is 6 feet tall. Chances are you simply want to feel safe, protected, enveloped, and surrounded by masculine energy.

So that's what I want you to put on your list instead of 6 feet tall: a man who's in his balanced masculine and who can make me feel protected and feminine.

Same thing goes for income or any other number we apply in dating. You don't need a man who makes $250,000 or more per year, you want a man who is financially responsible and thriving in his career.

So, I invite you to start your list today. This is your order with the Universe, Goddess, God, yourself, you choose.

If you don't get clear about what you want, you can't receive it.

One final note, this is a list of minimum requirements, it's not a wish list.

You can have someone with all of the qualities you want. And you want to know how I know that? Because you're also going to become your list, and like attracts like.

Start your list today and start assessing your dates from this perspective.

And watch for my 30-day email challenge for daily actions that will have you attracting high-quality dates to find a truly lasting love!

In the meantime, craft your list and watch the magic happen!