It's time to clean out your "love" closet

I saw the greatest reel on Instagram the other day. This woman was using an analogy about shoes when describing what it’s like to be in the wrong relationship. 

She explained that being in the wrong relationship can feel like wearing the wrong size shoes: it will leave you in pain, it’ll cause damage to you, and it’s not necessarily anybody’s fault - it’s just a bad fit. 

She also goes on to explain that it’s necessary to take the shoes off in order to make space for a new shoe.  

Even more importantly, it’s necessary to walk barefoot for a while to allow your feet to heal. If you don’t, even a shoe that technically fits will feel painful because your foot is still injured. 

What a perfect analogy, right?!!! 

And it got me thinking about how true this advice was in my own dating journey. I just didn’t have the same language for it. 

As much as I hate to admit this, I always used to search for a new shoe while my old shoe was still on. I knew the current one didn’t fit, but I didn’t want to go barefoot while I found the next one. 

Luckily, I was gradually able to take the next steps in healing… 

For example, I would emotionally close the current relationship before even looking out for someone new. Growth. 

I would take time to be alone and heal. Growth. 

I wouldn’t put on poorly fitting shoes at all anymore. Growth. 

But I was still falling into an unexpected trap that was keeping me stuck...

I was still keeping all those old shoes in my closet!!! 

I didn’t want to let them go! 

I wanted them around just in case! 

But we all know that it’s necessary to clean out the old to make space for the new. 

So why did I do this? What does this look like in relationships?

Plain and simple, it looks like keeping exes as friends. 

Now I know, everybody has a different opinion on this but I’m sticking hard to this one (even if it brings in some hate). 

It isn’t necessary or healthy to keep a personal relationship with an ex (i.e. hanging out, chatting on the phone, sending each other memes, etc.) 

I mean, yes, there are times when you need to keep some level of relationship due to custody arrangements.  

Or you may have overlapping friends so you can chat pleasantly at events that you’re both invited to attend. 

But a personal relationship (in my opinion) is a sign that both parties are still trying to gain some sort of corrective experience or validation from the other.   

Take me for example, I stayed close with a couple of important men in my life for years after the relationships ended. And when I got really honest with myself, I realized that I did this because they were putting me on a pedestal which totally validated my desirability. 

So my work shifted towards exploring my need to be desired, and taking that power back for myself. 

And I created distance and boundaries with these men, because our ongoing connection was hurting both of us. 

And here’s the amazing thing…when I committed to fully separating from my exes, my partner waltzed right into my life.  

I mean literally the same day!!! 

I didn’t realize this at the time, of course, but I keep track of these things in a journal and, sure enough, there it was.  

So I invite you to start exploring what stage you might be in of this shoe analogy.  

Are you ready to clean out of your closet so that you can have the space open to receive your truest love? 

Need help sorting through the junk? Check out the resources we have here to get the tools you need. 

You can have the amazing love that you desire, start creating the space for it now!